It's the night before our birthday (mine and Rachel's) and I'm alone. I've had a crappy day, Chris isn't home and I feel pretty flat. But do you know what will make me feel better? Neighbours. That's right, never-ending, repetitive, safe, Neighbours. I often think about Rari when I'm watching it because she is one of the few people who understands how important it is to me (the other two are my mum and the man I'm going to marry). Usually when I tell people about my Neighbours habit (it is a drug) a pitying look will come into their eyes. Or, they will change the subject, talking about some other stupid show like Home and Away WHICH I REALLY DON'T CARE ABOUT.
But not Rachel.
She will always ensure that her calls don't disrupt my Neighbours time. Even when calling me from Sudan to communicate that she has been in a rickshaw accident while suffering deep vein thrombosis (actually Rachel and Neighbours do have quite a few things in common....), the first thing she will ask is "It's not 6:30 there is it?'. When Rachel is actually in the country and people diss my taste she will rush to my defence with a half joking smile, but there is a look in her eyes that says 'Do NOT disrespect Neighbours in Mary's presence and therefore mine'.
While abroad Rachel's international life is full of very serious things. She works for various do gooder organisations and has an understanding of politics that is way over my head. However, I think that even if she one day was head of the UN, hosting a peacekeeping discussion in the Middle East, she wouldn't have the same serious expression as when I relate to her what's happening on Neighbours.
'I CAN'T BELIEVE Toady is SERIOUSLY going to try it on with Sonia again!!!' I explosively tell her. I know that Rachel has no concept of who Toadie is or what relation he is to Sonia, but that doesn't mean that the situation doesn't have her complete attention. In her mind a woman (Sonia)lies on the dirty floor. In the doorway, a dark and menacing man with a disfigured face that has earned him the name 'Toadie' sneers at her, threatening to 'try it on' again. Rachel is outraged. 'Sonia will have to leave!' she exclaims, quickly thinking through the various community support options available in the region. 'But she can't leave now!' I wail 'she's discovered that Toadie's foster son is her long lost child!'. This new information will be quickly absorbed and Rachel is onto the next strategy, determined that together we will save this woman. She is unaware that in Neighbours tiny little world this major problem can be solved over a cup of coffee at Harold's and a good long chat.
That's what I love about Neighbours. Everything turns out right in the end. It might take an entire season to get there, but eventually the baddies will suffer and those squeaky clean kids will be just fine. When and I talk through problems with Rachel I also get this feeling. Sure I just lost my phone and it was really expensive to replace, but if I talk to Rachel I know that this is just a tiny scene in the episode of my life. Tonight I don't have Rachel with me and I will have to turn to my substitute, but I know that in the same way that Neighbours will NEVER EVER EVER END, Rachel will always be there for me to help me see that it's all going to be OK. And that's likewise snot eyes from me. Happy birthday Rari.
Monday, May 23, 2011
Tuesday, April 26, 2011
Once upon a Rari
I haven’t heard from Rachel in a while and it makes me wonder what she’s doing. I have no concept of what life is like in Sudan so I thought I would just pop her in a fairy tale and see what happened. A ye olde sexist fairy tale to really test her patience (this is what happens when you neglect your friends Rari – enjoy)
As much as I love Rachel I don’t think we can immediately cast her in the princess role. Let’s meditate upon a typical princess. Long wavy luscious locks to start with - I don’t think they ever go through a ‘dreadlock’ or ‘mullet’ faze. Then we have the dresses. If Saris or flared pants were ‘in’ for Princesses Rachel would be a sure thing. Sadly her wardrobe has always been lacking in the frilly satiny ribbon covered trailing dress department.
So.
That leaves us with a peasant.
Rachel is hanging out at her peasant hut (I think I’ll make her a lonely orphan to spare her family from having to be involved) and doing ye olde things. What does peasant Rachel do? The last time I saw Rachel get in touch with nature she was trying to mow the lawn with gardening shears so I don’t think we can trust her with farming. I have also eaten her very interesting macaroni and cheese and it confirms that she won’t be in the kitchen either (sewing or weaving don’t even deserve consideration). Rachel has told me in the past that she appreciates ‘animals with purpose’ so let’s put her in the dairy milking a cow.
I’m not sure if Rachel is aware but dragons have a liking for milk maids in fairy tales and a big green scaly gold one descends from the sky to pluck her away from her cow and fly with her to his cave. Rachel absolutely loves to travel so I can’t imagine her struggling too much, and honestly she would probably be happy to be parted from her cow as she is more the dairy consuming rather than producing kind.
It’s never really clear why dragons take ladies to their caves, there are accusations of culinary plans but as they never seem to get around to it I’m sure that’s not the truth. Rachel happens to quite enjoy spending money (generally on travel) and dragons have a lot of jewels and etc (generally from travelling) so I’m sure that they actually wind up sitting down together on his mountain of doubloons and discussing how they should spend it all. As an ethically conscious peasant Rachel would no doubt recommend returning some of the stolen treasure, but for the cases where everyone in the village was burnt to death I’m sure she would reason that they should invest in food, wine, and possibly an island.
There is no doubt that in the midst of all this planning a prince would turn up to save Rachel and slay the dragon. Both Rachel and the dragon would not be impressed with this. Dragons happen to be against slaying of their fine selves and Rachel would be against any connotations of damsel in distress. I’m sure she would give the prince a stern lecture on sexism, unnecessary slaughter of endangered wildlife and the irrelevance of a monarchy in fairytale land. The dragon would back her up by toasting the prince’s ears a little every now and again.
The prince, now suitably reprimanded, would probably ask for a kiss which Rachel would not very grudgingly bestow. Suddenly -hey Presto! (This wouldn’t be a fairytale without some element of magic) The prince’s hair begins to lengthen and matt together, his velvet robes shrink and tighten on his chest and his pants flap out fisherman style. His hips start to move to a strange new beat and he wishes he could express it, but wait! He can! A bongo drum materialises in front of him and a guitar appears to grow from his back to hang from a sling. Rachel’s true prince has arrived.
She, the dragon and the prince buy their tropical island and live in total harmony lying around drinking coconuts and eating vegetarian delights (the dragon happens to be an excellent chef and very versatile in non human flesh cuisine). Every now and then they will fly to a village and restructure its economy, discuss social values, and even have a traditional dance party with moves specific to that region. In short - happily ever after.
As much as I love Rachel I don’t think we can immediately cast her in the princess role. Let’s meditate upon a typical princess. Long wavy luscious locks to start with - I don’t think they ever go through a ‘dreadlock’ or ‘mullet’ faze. Then we have the dresses. If Saris or flared pants were ‘in’ for Princesses Rachel would be a sure thing. Sadly her wardrobe has always been lacking in the frilly satiny ribbon covered trailing dress department.
So.
That leaves us with a peasant.
Rachel is hanging out at her peasant hut (I think I’ll make her a lonely orphan to spare her family from having to be involved) and doing ye olde things. What does peasant Rachel do? The last time I saw Rachel get in touch with nature she was trying to mow the lawn with gardening shears so I don’t think we can trust her with farming. I have also eaten her very interesting macaroni and cheese and it confirms that she won’t be in the kitchen either (sewing or weaving don’t even deserve consideration). Rachel has told me in the past that she appreciates ‘animals with purpose’ so let’s put her in the dairy milking a cow.
I’m not sure if Rachel is aware but dragons have a liking for milk maids in fairy tales and a big green scaly gold one descends from the sky to pluck her away from her cow and fly with her to his cave. Rachel absolutely loves to travel so I can’t imagine her struggling too much, and honestly she would probably be happy to be parted from her cow as she is more the dairy consuming rather than producing kind.
It’s never really clear why dragons take ladies to their caves, there are accusations of culinary plans but as they never seem to get around to it I’m sure that’s not the truth. Rachel happens to quite enjoy spending money (generally on travel) and dragons have a lot of jewels and etc (generally from travelling) so I’m sure that they actually wind up sitting down together on his mountain of doubloons and discussing how they should spend it all. As an ethically conscious peasant Rachel would no doubt recommend returning some of the stolen treasure, but for the cases where everyone in the village was burnt to death I’m sure she would reason that they should invest in food, wine, and possibly an island.
There is no doubt that in the midst of all this planning a prince would turn up to save Rachel and slay the dragon. Both Rachel and the dragon would not be impressed with this. Dragons happen to be against slaying of their fine selves and Rachel would be against any connotations of damsel in distress. I’m sure she would give the prince a stern lecture on sexism, unnecessary slaughter of endangered wildlife and the irrelevance of a monarchy in fairytale land. The dragon would back her up by toasting the prince’s ears a little every now and again.
The prince, now suitably reprimanded, would probably ask for a kiss which Rachel would not very grudgingly bestow. Suddenly -hey Presto! (This wouldn’t be a fairytale without some element of magic) The prince’s hair begins to lengthen and matt together, his velvet robes shrink and tighten on his chest and his pants flap out fisherman style. His hips start to move to a strange new beat and he wishes he could express it, but wait! He can! A bongo drum materialises in front of him and a guitar appears to grow from his back to hang from a sling. Rachel’s true prince has arrived.
She, the dragon and the prince buy their tropical island and live in total harmony lying around drinking coconuts and eating vegetarian delights (the dragon happens to be an excellent chef and very versatile in non human flesh cuisine). Every now and then they will fly to a village and restructure its economy, discuss social values, and even have a traditional dance party with moves specific to that region. In short - happily ever after.
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)